Saturday, January 31, 2009

I am grounded, I am humbled, I am one with everything

I LOVE Kimya Dawson

Most of my friends know I’ve been pretty down on myself lately, I’m unhappy about my weight (pushing 120kgs that’s over 260 pounds for those American’s reading) but still lack the motivation to do anything about it. I kinda put that side of my life on the back burner for a year and ended up gaining about 10kgs. Not the end of the world you know but not what I call a healthy choice either.

I really awful thing happened on my way home yesterday. I was yelled at while walking home with a William by very rude kid/s (I’m not sure of what age, sex or even direction the voice/s came from) he/she/it/they yelled “Hey Fatty, HEY FAT BITCH….” I didn’t know what to do. I was with my baby boy and didn’t want to draw any attention to it (he didn’t notice so no harm done for him.) I was quite surprised at the nastiness and complete randomness of it all and just ignored it and kept going on our way.

Although I didn’t want it to the incident made me powerfully sad. Sad because I was unhappy with myself and had reached the conclusion that I really need to drop some weight and this didn’t help my self esteem any but also sad for the kid/s that have that level of viciousness in them. What on earth must be going on in a child’s life to make them want to randomly attack an innocent woman on the street with a small child.
On Facebook last night I was lucky to chat with Mimbles (always a soothing salve for the soul) and woke up feeling my usual self. At work this morning I again popped on facebook and was clearing out videos when I came across this

So I burst out crying. I thought I was ok when I woke up but I guess I wasn’t quite there yet…

Kimya’ lyrics knocked me on my ass with:
She said 'I like giants
Especially girl giants
Cause all girls feel too big sometimes
Regardless of their size'

Then embraced me with: “I'm smaller than a poppyseed inside a great big bowl
And the ocean is a giant that can swallow me whole”

And Finally She lifted me to my feet and dusted me off:
“So I swim for all salvation and I swim to save my soul
But my soul is just a whisper trapped inside a tornado
So I flip to my back and I float and I sing
I am grounded, I am humbled, I am one with everything
I am grounded, I am humbled, I am one with everything

Thanks Kimya


Liz said...

I love that. I'm not familiar with Kimya- I think they used one of her songs in Juno? But really like her sound and these lyrics.

Hugs to you. I'm so sorry anyone was cruel to you.

I'm 230 lb, approximately. But I'm tall, too. No one's ever said anything cruel to me... but a work friend is obese and has had many experiences of being teased, taunted and harassed- even by a stranger who felt incoined to leave a note on her windshield to tell her how disgusting he thought she was.

People can be inhuman and horrible and awful. Just remember that there are plenty of us who are gentle and kind and loving.

yodaobi said...

I have a bit of her music. The Juno soundtrack has several of her songs, both solo and Mouldy Peaches, I have her children's CD Alphabutt (So awesome!) and Remember that I love you. We saw her when she toured last year.
She's so genuinely humble and sweet yet gut wrenchingly human.
I guess I'm a fan.

Thanks Liz. I really don't need to be reminded of my incredible support network of people that love me. I'm lucky in love and family and friendship.

LOVE the latest profile pic BTW! very cute!

aussiehen said...

I'm pretty sure Luke sent that to you. I don't know if you remember but he kept asking you if you'd heard "I love giants"
He loves it because it reminds him of his thought processes.

Penny said...

I'm sorry you had to put up with those meanies Em. :(

I have 10kg to lose and have lost my motivation too. The kicker is I was down to 70kg earlier last year but have put 6 back on when I went back to work. Meh.

Tracey said...

I'm sorry about those kids, Em. That's really awful. I had a kid say something to me in a supermarket once and tried to ignore it, but my face was burning. It's so humiliating, but really they're the ones who should be humiliated for their small personalities! Try to ignore the comments, and don't be too down on yourself for your gains. It's hard to be focused all of the time. Just try to be happy with who you are because a lot of people think you're pretty great!