I didn't think it was fair to go looking at everyone else's blogs without having one for you guys to perv at.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
To begin with Liz has asked me to write about something I feel bad about involving being a mom to: "Get it off your shoulders. Once you've written it down, you are NO LONGER allowed to feel bad. It's over with, it's in the past. Remember, you're a good mom!"
OK it’s a shocker!!! Please don’t call the authorities to take William away from me!!!! I have a pretty long fuse but at the end of it a firecracker temper and I'm also incredibly reactionary... I've always been a bit violent and when I’m hurt I tend to lash out. There are times when William's spent the day testing me, pushing my buttons and if I’m unwell or tired or if I’m hormonal I sometimes get pushed too far and as a result he gets manhandled (picked up and stuffed into his room) by me or even smacked in anger (Something I absolutely HATE doing)
One such incident happened last night. Instead of relaxing in the hot pools I spend most of my day running around after a naughty boy. We’d had an exhausting day swimming most of the time out he didn’t listening to me and ran around so I was almost hoarse from yelling all day whilst my friend’s daughter was an ANGEL sitting patiently waiting for William to stop being a (Fill-in-the-blanks) (I quite like the term Sodlit) I’d been so patient with him and his constant running off and not listening. He didn’t have a nap on the way home so by 6pm he was a feral wee beastie. He was sitting on my knee for snuggles but continually reaching up and scratching my face with his kitten-like fingernails. After pushing him away several times and telling him “Stop it I don’t like it” I got a particularly nasty scratch on my lip I snapped and ended up striking out.
I sat with him and explained afterwards that hitting was wrong and mom's sorry and I shouldn't have done it and we should always try to be kind to one-another and even if I didn’t leave a mark on him it's still heartbreaking to betray his trust I felt sick at upsetting him.
William was put to bed with a bottle of milk, cuddles and a HUGE talk about good and evil and the importance of sleep. I’m not sure how much he understood but he forgave me and I him. It just sickens me that I’m not the role model I wished I could be for my son.
I am devoted to my son and he's 98% adorable and only like 2% feral beastie I just wish the Feral beastie wasn’t too much for me to handle.
Secondly to remind myself that I am a good mom, list SEVEN things I love about William, I love doing with William, or that William loves about me. These are the things to remind myself of EVERY DAY that I rock
1. Watching him sleep and his sleepy talking. Every night we tuck William in before we hit the sack. He will always say “love you too” in his sleep if you say “Goodnight William I love you” James loves reading Oh the places you’ll go to William and they love the line: “hang-ups and bang-ups can happen to YOU” and William will argue back: “No yooouu daddy/mummy” Once James n I were tucking William in and James whispers “I’m sorry to say so but, sadly, it’s true that Bang-ups and Hang-ups can happen to …” and William sleepily replies: “No yooouumummy” 2. I love the fact he’ll always kiss you back if you kiss him.
3. I ADORE listening to him play… He’ll be sitting on the floor and the funniest conversations will be invented between animals, cars really anything.
4. I may have mentioned it before but William found my voice… I never was a singer until I had a wee baby to sing to. Now I don’t care and sing whilst walking, at home or anywhere.
5. Williams giggle. Is there anything yummier than a wee person being tickled? Sometimes he goes “stop mummy” when I tickle him and I stop, he takes a breath and says GO! Lol
6. Looking at life from a different perspective; who knew Auckland had so many diggers, concrete mixers, ladybirds, rocks, snails, Fire engines and broken glass?
7. Although it can be sometimes exhausting I love spending time with him. I like taking William out to fun places like the beach, hot-pools, parks, bush, library, shops but also like sneaking down to the crèche in the afternoon for a quick cuddle or a wee walk.